turning 30!!

Tomorrow I turn the BIG 3-0!! And I must say that I am SOOO not ready for it!!! I just can't believe it...doesn't seem real. Honestly, I don't feel much older than 20. Life completely changed for me at 18. I became a MOM!! And that's what I have spent the last almost 12 years of my life doing.
It's been AMAZING and so much fun and it's really, completely changed me...but I STILL don't feel like an ADULT. I used to work, but I still lived with my parents (til 20 when I moved in with Nick)...and when I moved in with Nick he's been the one to take care of everything. Which I'm definitely NOT complaining about...but sometimes I want something for me. Something that I have accomplished, outside of being a mom and a wife...even though being a mom and wife are the two most important things to me.

I'm not sure what it is that I want to do. A couple things that I have thought about are being an ultrasound technician or doing some work with teen moms. I also love photography...though I don't know if I really see myself doing that. I'm just not sure and I'm not sure how to go about doing any of the things I want to do.

Maybe it's just the fact that I need to get out more and do things on my own. I never do...and when I do it feels like a breath of fresh air. My cousin is taking me out tonight to celebrate my birthday and I'm really, really looking forward to it!! Even if all we did was hang out and do nothing, I would be excited :).

I'm pretty low-key and it's tough for me to open up to people. Especially females. I've always had close guy friends and only one or two close girl friends. I've been through alot of crap in the past (and still) and it's always hard to trust girls...there is always too much drama and gossip for me!

A month or so ago I went to a fundraiser...with just myself and a couple friends and I had so much fun...even though it was just bowling! It had been soooo long since I was out without Nick or the kids. It's just always hard for me to break away from my family and do things alone... for no other reason than I want to spend my time being with them.

I know I'm just rambling, but I'm trying to put my thoughts down and maybe come back and figure them out, lol.

I have a couple things coming up that are going to be all about me and I'm super excited to do them! The main thing is taking an online photography class with the fab Maggie Holmes! I love her work and I have been wanting to do this for quite awhile! I can't wait to improve my photography skills and learn to take the photos I want to :)

Anyway, I just want to say that for me, this year and the years ahead are going to be more about me. Learning about me and who I really am and what makes me me. And trying and learning new things. Building better relationships. Having more fun. Stressing alot less about unimportant things. Loving more. Laughing a TON more. And just enjoying every minute that I can :)

And if you see me with bright pink hair, covered in piercings and tattoos...then maybe that's the newfound me that I am. But I don't quite see that happening ;)

i put in my notice...

I'm quitting. Quitting my job. My job as "mom". Or at least I was earlier today.



I came to the conclusion I needed to quit and find a different job. One that didn't involve poop and it being smeared all over the place. One that didn't involve a two day old, dry clean only shower curtain and a handful of poop smashed all over it. One that didn't involve giving a little boy a bath after he woke up when he had just had one RIGHT before he went to bed! One that didn't involve telling kids repeatedly to pick their things up. One that didn't involve feeling like your completely failing at your job.



But if I had a job like that I wouldn't get sloppy kisses. Or crying babies that look for comfort in your picking them up. And give you the biggest smile and giggle when you do something as simple as look at them or say their name.
Or having your poopy little guy (he wasn't poopy at the time though, surpsingly!) climb up onto his baby sister's crib to check in on her and him saying "zee zee!" when he sees her in the crib.
Or a little girl who loves to draw you pictures and when you're in the middle of picking up things and having a horrible moment...you pick up something off the floor, blink away the tears and look to see that it's a handmade heart colored with red marker and written in pencil it says something...it says "i love you".
Or a little boy who when you (jokingly) said you're going to run away last week, he says " I will chase you and catch you and bring you back home and lock you up so you can't get out."
Or an eleven year old boy who (for the most part) has lost the attitude and has been helping you out when you need it WITHOUT complaining or grumbling about it.

There are so many precious, sweet moments that take away all the bad, horrible, brief moments that can happen daily...I savor each one of the good moments and just try to forget, or latter laugh at, the bad ones. It's an amazing journey and I am SO VERY blessed to be able to have this job and I wouldn't trade it for any other...no matter how much it pays...or how quiet it may be!!

On that note...I see (or rather smell) that mr. poopy pants has struck again!

not a very good day...

Today has been one of those days! I stayed up waaaay too late the night before scrapbooking and was NOT ready to start the day!! But I got up and luckily most of the kiddos were still asleep. I had to get ready to get my hair done...I was REALLY looking forward to it! Angela (she watches the kids) was a bit late, so in turn I was running late getting to my hair appointment.

On the way there I was thisclose to being crashed into!! I was going straight through a green light (of course) and this idiot is coming from the other side and pulls out right in front of me!! Luckily, the lane next to me was closed, so I was able to swerve into it without any cars being right there! I honestly thought I was for sure hitting him...it wasn't until he was gone that I realized I had gotten out of the way just in time!! I was shaking like CRAZY!!! I got to my hair appointment and she was running behind, so that was a good thing :) I hate being late to appointments and always feel so guilty when I am!

The afternoon and evening were very looong...instead of taking a nap today, Daxton decided he would somehow get his diaper off and rip it into pieces and throw it all over the floor. Lovely. Thankfully, no poop THIS time...and yes, he had his shorts on ;)

Nick didn't get home until the kids were already bathed and in bed. Bedtime is the WORST part of the day, in my opinion. It drives me a little bit crazy!! So much easier to do with 2 people!!

Anyway, I'm going to go now and relax some watching "Sixteen Candles". One of my FAV movies!! I love all the old Molly Ringwald movies!!

queen of everything...

So, I was at my parents house on sunday just hanging out and talking to my dad. Daxton ran over to the tree stump and was standing on it, I asked him if he was the king. Xandria and my neice Chelsey ran over to the stump and climbed on it...Xandria announced "I'm the QUEEN!!, Queen of EVERYTHING!!". Chelsey announced "I'm the Princess!!". Xandria looked at her and said "no, you're the MAID!". Ha ha!! I couldn't stop laughing. Chelsey kept trying to say she was the princess, but Xandria wasn't having it and she was deemed the maid.
I took this picture of the two of them on sunday...Chelsey is 10 and Xandria is 7 1/2! Xandria went to the dentist 2 weeks ago and had NO cavities again :) She needs to do a better job brushing her tongue and down at the gum line though. The dentist was a little concerned about her top tooth coming in...it looks like it might be coming in behind her bottom two teeth (normally your top teeth overlap your bottom), if that's the case she will have to see an orthodontist. I'm not sure what will have to happen if that's the case, because of course Nick didn't bother to ask! They will see how it is at her next visit. She has the one tooth left in the top front and it drives me a little crazy! I keep asking her if it's lose and she says it only is a little bit...it looks more than a little lose to me, but whatever :)

the 4th...

We had a very low key July 4th! It was the weekend that the older kids stay at my parents...I asked them if they wanted to still stay the night there or go with us to the fireworks. They chose to stay w/my parents...I guess fireworks don't compare to unlimited television and video games, ha! So, we just had the babies. It rained til about 4 or so...that made me glad we didn't have any outside plans! We did some shopping and came home, babies had a little nap and then we went to see the fireworks. We went to the church thats just outside of downtown (where you can best see the fireworks), so we could really only see the ones that were higher up...which was fine for us. Daxton was pointing at them and would say "oh!". He was more into the ones that people were setting off around us...louder sound, ha ha. Ziana was going CRAZY over the fireworks!! She would slap her arms down on whoever was holding her and kick her legs nonstop!! She would also clap her hands :) That's her new thing. She LOVES to clap!! It was nice to have a quiet 4th.
Btw...I know I missed blogging yesterday, after I had JUST said I was going to make sure and blog everyday this week. It's still my plan though :)

let's take a nice picture of Daddy with the babies...or the babies both trying to rip Daddy's hat off. :)

polka dots...

love them!! Even more so when they are on our baby girl :) These photos were taken a few weeks ago...before her first tooth came in (her second tooth has broken through now!). She's getting sooo big, sooo fast!! I'm really far behind on posting...my goal is to post something everyday this week. I'm hoping I will be able to accomplish that! There's sooo many little things that have been going on that I want to put into words for memories sake! We have been enjoying the summer...each week I'm shocked that another week has gone by so quickly, and I'm always left wondering where it went. besides this being an adorable picture of Ziana, I love the fact that you can see Xandria's sparkly pink hi-top that have the rainbow laces that Daddy bought for her, in them :)

new addition...

her name is Truffles and she's a chihuahua. We got her 2 weeks ago this past sunday. Nick and the older kids drove to Freeport to pick her up...they chose her from 2 other female puppies. They picked the cutest and sweetest one :) She is sooo lovable and fun!! The kids are all smitten with her...with the exception of Ziana...Truffles just loves to lick, lick, lick Ziana's face and Ziana isn't about all those puppy kisses, ha ha!