turning 30!!

Tomorrow I turn the BIG 3-0!! And I must say that I am SOOO not ready for it!!! I just can't believe it...doesn't seem real. Honestly, I don't feel much older than 20. Life completely changed for me at 18. I became a MOM!! And that's what I have spent the last almost 12 years of my life doing.
It's been AMAZING and so much fun and it's really, completely changed me...but I STILL don't feel like an ADULT. I used to work, but I still lived with my parents (til 20 when I moved in with Nick)...and when I moved in with Nick he's been the one to take care of everything. Which I'm definitely NOT complaining about...but sometimes I want something for me. Something that I have accomplished, outside of being a mom and a wife...even though being a mom and wife are the two most important things to me.

I'm not sure what it is that I want to do. A couple things that I have thought about are being an ultrasound technician or doing some work with teen moms. I also love photography...though I don't know if I really see myself doing that. I'm just not sure and I'm not sure how to go about doing any of the things I want to do.

Maybe it's just the fact that I need to get out more and do things on my own. I never do...and when I do it feels like a breath of fresh air. My cousin is taking me out tonight to celebrate my birthday and I'm really, really looking forward to it!! Even if all we did was hang out and do nothing, I would be excited :).

I'm pretty low-key and it's tough for me to open up to people. Especially females. I've always had close guy friends and only one or two close girl friends. I've been through alot of crap in the past (and still) and it's always hard to trust girls...there is always too much drama and gossip for me!

A month or so ago I went to a fundraiser...with just myself and a couple friends and I had so much fun...even though it was just bowling! It had been soooo long since I was out without Nick or the kids. It's just always hard for me to break away from my family and do things alone... for no other reason than I want to spend my time being with them.

I know I'm just rambling, but I'm trying to put my thoughts down and maybe come back and figure them out, lol.

I have a couple things coming up that are going to be all about me and I'm super excited to do them! The main thing is taking an online photography class with the fab Maggie Holmes! I love her work and I have been wanting to do this for quite awhile! I can't wait to improve my photography skills and learn to take the photos I want to :)

Anyway, I just want to say that for me, this year and the years ahead are going to be more about me. Learning about me and who I really am and what makes me me. And trying and learning new things. Building better relationships. Having more fun. Stressing alot less about unimportant things. Loving more. Laughing a TON more. And just enjoying every minute that I can :)

And if you see me with bright pink hair, covered in piercings and tattoos...then maybe that's the newfound me that I am. But I don't quite see that happening ;)